Do not split your list into categories

If you split your list into various categories, eventually you’ll notice that you tend to favor some areas over the others. For example, my “Things to-do around the house” category often got neglected to my fiancée’s dismay [Editor’s note: it still gets neglected.] Eventually I switched to having just two lists – “to-do now” and “to-do sometime”.

Do not fall into the trap of categorizing your list until it looks nice and neat! To-do list is supposed to be ugly. If you pretty it up by adding categories, levels, et cetera – eventually you’ll have a beautiful looking list that you can show to your parents. I’m sure they’ll be very impressed with how organized you are. If your list is online, you can also share it on one of those nifty social networking list-sharing sites.

Will you want to finish your tasks if they look like THIS?

The only problem is… nothing will get done! Without even realizing it, you will be reluctant to destroy this thing of beauty by crossing things off the list after completion. And if your list is ugly, subconsciously you’ll want to get rid of that monstrosity. Consequently, the only way of doing that is to…*drum roll*… do the tasks.

Make it easy to reach

By “keeping it ugly”, however, I don’t mean that you should be disgusted with it. On the contrary, if you want your list to be effective, you have to make it accessible at all times, meaning that at any time of the day, no matter where you are, you should be able to add stuff to your list. How can you, one might ask, when you’re on the run? There are many ways to do it, including smart phones, organizers and even “hipster PDA”, but I prefer a very low-tech method of just carrying my notebook everywhere I go. Whenever I think of something that needs to be done, I write it in there. I also use it to jot down my ideas for world domination and articles such as this one.

I’m still working on perfecting this system. For example, there’s no way to write anything down while I’m in the shower, where I get some of my best ideas. Of course, I could always buy a water-proof notepad and put it on the shower wall. Maybe I’ll do that one day

Actions, not abstract notions

If you are familiar with David Allen’s excellent “Getting Things Done” system, you’ll instantly recognize this one. If you put a “get a rebate for DVD player” on your to-do list, you will never do it. Your brain will get confused over the ambiguity of the task and you won’t feel motivated enough to do it. Instead, split the task into actionable items:

1) Find the receipt for DVD player

2) Find the box and cut out the UPC code

3) Find the rebate coupon and write down the address

4) Bring all of the above to the post office, buy stamps and envelope, and mail it out.

Having seen concrete instructions, your brain will not resist the task and you will not have to force yourself to complete it.

Weeding out the chaff

If despite your best efforts your to-do list is getting too big, it’s time to sit down, go through every item on the list, and ask yourself a question – do you really need to do this?

Here’s where a lesson from another excellent book, Stephen Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” comes into play. Think about your goals, your mission in life. If the task on your list is not going to matter in a few years, maybe it’s not worth wasting your most valuable resource – time.

For example, going through my own list, I notice a task “Arrange books on the shelf”. Do I really need to do this? Not at all. My home library is not big enough for that to be a concern. The time that I would spend doing that task would be much better spent doing something else.

If you follow this method and be really ruthless about it, by the end of the exercise your list is going to look a lot slimmer.

Don’t obsess over your to-dos

A lot of time, things on your list may not be of most importance to you at the present moment. It’s ok to spend the whole day without looking at your to-do list. I do it all the time, especially when I’m preoccupied with a project of utmost value. And for stuff that’s really important and you can’t afford to forget, I hope you set up automatic reminders, but that’s a whole another topic.

Used effectively, to-do lists can be a great tool at making our lives easier. However, when used incorrectly, they can be a source of anxiety, stress and distraction. I hope for you, it’s always the former. If you have any comments, questions, criticism or suggestions, you’re welcome to email me or post below.

Does this scenario sound familiar? As the year draws to a close, you look back fondly upon last year’s resolutions. Since you forgot where they are, you decide to make this year’s resolutions instead, and come up with something like this:

Lose weight

Eat healthier

Quit smoking

Go out and make friends

Make a lot of money

Feeling quite satisfied with yourself, you put the list “away”, and make a valiant effort to follow it. Maybe you last a couple of weeks, maybe only a few days. Maybe even less (I believe a record belongs to my friend Anonymous, who broke his resolution to quit smoking exactly 15 minutes after midnight on January 1^st.)

If the above doesn’t sound like your New Year’s Resolutions (NYR’s) experience, consider yourself lucky. For most people, it has become a meaningless exercise in futility that even fewer bother with anymore.

How do you change that pattern? How do you incorporate that experience into what it was supposed to be – a rich, rewarding exercise that will help you make your goals clear?

I have stumbled upon a way that will help you do all that and more. Listed below are a few practical pieces of advice that will help you set the right NYR’s and make sure you actually follow them.

Identify the right goals

New Year’s Resolutions are supposed to be goals that you can achieve in one year. So “quit smoking” or “lose 20 lbs” are definitely a good example. However, “become a black belt in karate” is NOT a good NYR if your martial arts training up to this point has been limited to watching “Enter the Dragon” on the couch.

I’m going to become a black belt in Karate

“Become a billionaire” is another example of unrealistic NYR if you’re getting a 40K/year salary with 100 grand in student loans. While those goals are certainly achievable by hard work, it will definitely take more than a year to attain.

Add actions to goals

Without following through, NYR’s are just empty words. You must put in effort to see results. You must come up with a concrete plan of action for every NYR on your list. If you write your NYG as something vague like “lose weight”, you’re not going to be too motivated to follow through. What exactly is it that you’re supposed to do? Sit and wait until the weight is lost? Keep on running a-la Forrest Gump, until the desired weight is reached? And since your sub consciousness hasn’t received a direct order, it’s going to stuff that ‘lose weight’ comment to the back of your brain.

I’ll just keep running until I lose all the weight

Instead, you should ask yourself questions leading to a clear, concrete goal. For example: how much weight do I want to lose total? How much weight can I realistically lose in a year? How will I go about achieving weight loss – gym, jogging in the morning, etc..?

Separate your NYR list from your ToDo list. If your New Year’s Resolution to lose weight includes an action to “buy gym membership”, take it off your NYR list and put it on your ToDo list – and then, of course, execute it. In the end, your resolution might look something like this:

“Lose 20 lbs by the end of the year. I will achieve it by jogging every morning and going to the gym (the one next to my house) 3 times a week – Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after work.”

Remind yourself regularly of your resolutions

New Year’s day is going to come and go, and so will your mood and determination that you had while creating your NYR’s. How do you stay on track? How do you keep your NYR’s fresh in your head, and follow them all year?

First, you have to put the list you just wrote someplace you can easily find it. File it under “New Year’s Resolutions, 2009”, put it in your wallet, or anywhere else that you like, but make sure that if you get the urge to see it in June, you can easily find it.

Next, you have to make sure your resolution stays visible. This is probably the most important advice you can ever read about NYR’s. Create a note that will always get in the way when you’re most likely to need it. Be creative. If your goal is to eat healthier, stick a note on your fridge. This way, you’ll be reminded every time you’re about to get some food.

If one of your NYR’s is to stop procrastinating so much by reducing the mindless surfing of the net, make your homepage a reminder. You can use this page or use Google Customized home page.

By keeping up with the NYR, you will eventually form a habit. There will be a point where it will become uncomfortable to automatically head to a time-wasting website. You can be sure that once New Year’s Day rolls again, you’ll be able to look at the old year’s resolutions with a sense of accomplishment. Making (and keeping) your NYR’s will once again serve its original purpose – helping you get where you want to be in life faster.

And hopefully, you will be happier because of that. Happy Holidays!

P.S.: This article wouldn’t be truly complete without me posting my New Year’s Resolutions. I can’t post all of them for privacy reasons, but I can post some, with the explanations on how I’m planning to remind myself:

- Prepare everything for the wedding. [I have quite a few items on my ToDo list for this one]

- Write regularly. Establish a readership base for my blog.[Weekly reminders in my calendar to write another article and quite a few ToDo items]

- Stop wasting time: stop watching TV, playing fantasy sports, mindlessly surfing. [actions: disconnect cable TV, don’t sign up for any more fantasy sports leagues, set my homepage to ‘stop procrastinating’ reminder]

- Get in shape by the end of the year. My perfect weight is 175 lbs. Aim to reach my goal by continuing going to the gym every weekday. [I have another article on how to make yourself go to the gym on the regular basis]

You all know the scenario: inspired by reading, seeing or hearing how great and useful something is, you decide to incorporate it into your life. Be it going to the gym, learning how to play golf, writing a page of your novel a day, it’s going to make you healthier, make your life better, it’s good for your teeth, etc.

Bursting with enthusiasm, you set bold goals for yourself, faithfully following your new schedule. Until one day, you miss it. You might have a perfectly good excuse, but it really doesn’t matter. You missed a day, and then another one. You know where this is going – soon enough you stop doing that activity altogether, felling pretty bad about yourself. You might make up elaborate excuses as to why it didn’t work out. You might do the opposite and get depressed, thinking that you’re a weak-willed person, since you can’t follow through with something that is beneficial for you.

Does any of this sound familiar? It certainly does to me. With my lifestyle being for the most part, sedentary (a big change since college, when I had a part time job doing student security that required walking outside for 8 hours), regular exercise is important, since dying of a heart attack at 40 is not an option.

Over the last few years, I attempted jogging, exercising at home, going to the gym, etc… with varying results, at the longest lasting four months. I was even able at one point lose 25 lbs, gain muscle, and feel pretty good about myself. And then… I got sick, so I stopped. After getting better, something else came up, and lo and behold – I was back to my schedule of not exercising while steadily gaining all the weight back.

So what happened? I tried to analyze the situation from many angles. Two or three times a week, I was putting in a big effort, finishing work at 6, then heading over to the gym, home by 9 PM. I would then skip dinner, because eating before bedtime counteracts the exercise. So what happened? In my mind, I understood the reason for exercising, and had no problems psyching myself up to go… but wait a minute!

Why did I have to put in effort – i.e. force myself to go? Isn’t going to the gym supposed to be exciting, not a chore you drag yourself through? And isn’t it supposed to provide you with energy instead of draining it out of you?

That’s when I realized my problem. I was excessively tired after work, dragging myself to the gym, and resenting every minute of it. Plus, I was coming home at a late hour, and didn’t have the time or energy for anything else. So, the problem was right in front of me – going to the gym after work just didn’t fit into my schedule!

Having understood that (not that the realization came immediately… it took a while), I decided to try out a different routine by going to the gym at various times of the day. I also considered different gym locations, in Brooklyn where I live and in Manhattan where I work. I tried a few combinations, but what ended up working for me was going to the gym close to my job in the morning.

I got up early, and went to the gym. Upon finishing my workout, I was filled with such incredible amount of energy that I came to work pumped, ready to take on the world. In the starting weeks I got tired by the end of the day, however after some getting used to it, the fatigue went away. Most importantly, it just felt right. I didn’t have to force myself. I didn’t come home later than I normally did. I did have to sacrifice something – I had to wake up one hour earlier, but I came home at the same time as before.

Now, I know some of you are saying: “there’s no way I can do that, I can’t wake up that early, I have to drive to work for two hours, etc.” That’s a valid point; it’s not the intention of this article to tell you that going to the gym early is the right way to live. My point is: make sure the time fits your schedule. Make sure the place is convenient for you. Do everything so the activity becomes a normal part of your day. Banish the thought that you’re doing something extraordinary. If you get into the territory where NOT doing the activity feels weird – you’re golden!

Here, for instance, this very website. I wanted to start this blog for a long time. But I never got to it, not because I considered it less important than my other projects, but because I could never find time for writing. Call me old fashioned, but I can’t write at the computer. I need pen and paper; otherwise it doesn’t feel like ‘real’ writing to me. I can’t write at work, for obvious reasons, and at home there are always more important things to requiring my attention. So what’s the solution? I started writing on the subway, during my daily commute to and from work.

Actually, I’m writing this on the subway right now! I don’t have a PDA or a laptop; instead I use a trusty old pocket-sized spiral notebook. My total commute time is just under two hours every day, so I get to do quite a lot of writing.

If there’s one thing I’m trying to say in this article, it’s the following: you CAN find a way to introduce any activity in your life and practice it regularly, eventually making it a habit, as long as you find a way to fit it in your schedule. You don’t have to force yourself to do something you’re uncomfortable with. All that is needed is to make an effort to figure out HOW the activity could fit into your schedule (use trial and error if necessary), and incorporate it into your routine.

Good luck!

As many of my fellow New Yorkers, I don’t have to face the choice of renting vs. owning – I simply don’t have enough money to own, so right now my only option is to rent (but I hope to change that soon!) So, for the last two years, I’ve been renting a studio apartment in Brooklyn’s Homecrest neighborhood. This was my first apartment after college, and when I moved out of my parents’ house, I was quite proud of that achievement, ready to start living it up like a king, partying every night, causing general debauchery and kicking it like a rock star. Unfortunately, none of that happened, but that’s material for another blog entry, called “False hopes and crushed dreams.”

The apartment itself wasn’t that bad, if you don’t count spontaneously collapsing ceiling in the bathroom, rarely having heat in the winter, constant cockroach infestation problem and a prostitute living upstairs (or at least that’s what she sounded like). It was big for one person, quiet neighborhood, close enough to subway, pretty nice overall. But – in July 2006, I and my girlfriend decided to move in together. There was one problem though – I just signed a lease extension a month ago, so if I moved out right then and there, that would be breach of contract, and the landlady would help herself to my security deposit (for those of you ignorant of what security deposit is because you never had to deal with it, consider yourselves blessed – a security deposit is one month’s rent that you give to your landlord when moving in that he’s supposed to “hold on to in case something happens.” When you move out, you’re supposed to get it back. In reality, most landlords consider it theirs and don’t want to part with it any more that they want to part ways with an arm or leg)

(my old apartment)

So, after finding a new place big enough to fit all of my girlfriend’s shoes and still leaving a small corner for me, I decided to talk nicely to my landlady, and maybe she’ll understand the situation and cooperate. That was Mistake #1. My landlady was not a nice person at all. I knew that after two years of living in my apartment, and going through hell trying to get her to fix anything when it broke – and things broke often. When the entire ceiling in the bathroom collapsed (thankfully, no one was in there at the time), she refused to fix it, avoided my calls and made life difficult for me until I told her I’m going to stop paying rent until she fixes it.

Anyway, I talked to her and explained the situation, and to my pleasant surprise, she agreed to return my deposit. Just pay your last month’s rent, she said, and I’ll send your deposit to your new address. That, of course, was Mistake #2. In case anything went wrong (and, as you can undoubtedly guess, it did), all I had was her verbal promise to me that she’ll return the money. Thinking back, I should’ve probably suggested that instead, I don’t pay my last month’s rent and she keeps my deposit – that would make it easier for both of us. Or, at least get her to sign something that says she’ll return the money. Or tape the phone conversation. ANYTHING would be better than what I did, just trusting her blindly, putting all my faith in her good word.

You all know where this is going. Three months later, I was happily living in a new place with my girlfriend-turned-fiancée, and everything in life was good – except I still didn’t have my deposit.

In those three months, I called their office almost daily. They used every tactic in the book on me. Not picking up, not returning calls, seemingly forgetting who I was once I did get through to the landlady (so I’d have to explain everything all over again), promising that the check should be there any day now – I’ve gone through it all. Throughout this ordeal, I was always very nice and polite, never raised my voice, because for some reason, I stupidly refused to believe that I was getting scammed, that these people never intended to return my money, and I kept thinking it was some kind of a big misunderstanding.

(my new apartment)

Until one day it dawned on me. I called the office, and receptionist picked up. I asked for my landlady, and surprisingly, she was in. I was getting quite happy, because I haven’t talked to her in a while. Then, the receptionist came back on the line. “I’m sorry; may I ask who is calling?” I told her, and was put on hold again. A minute later, the receptionist came back and asked – “And what’s the purpose of your call?” I calmly explained to her that it was about my deposit. After another long hold, she came back and said “I’m sorry, she can’t take your call right now, you have to call back some other time.”

Do you mean that she doesn’t want to talk to me at all, I asked in a very relaxed and casual tone of voice (while boiling with rage on the inside). “I don’t know what to tell you,” the answer came. It was obvious that those people were getting annoyed with me not getting the clue and wanted to make it extremely clear that I wasn’t getting my money.

At that point, I finally exploded and said something like “If you don’t put me through, I’m going to court right now and will file a lawsuit.” That got the landlady on the phone. “What’s your name? Is this about the garage?” She acted like she hasn’t talked to me hundred times about this, but promised to look into it, as she usually did, and call me back (which she never did)

Clearly, I was getting nowhere by being nice. I had to take action, and I started doing research on my options. The situation looked pretty bleak. I had no evidence that they promised to return the money. I talked to everyone I knew, read numerous Internet postings about similar situations, researched the documents on court website – basically, did everything that I possibly could. I even considered writing to local newspapers and TV shows … clearly, I wasn’t exactly thinking straight 100% of the time.

Then, finally, after a few weeks of fruitless searching for possible ways to solve my problem, my fiancée said “Why don’t you talk to X, he has experience dealing with exactly these kinds of situations. Plus, he’s a family member so he’ll definitely try to help you as much as he can.” After my initial embarrassment of “I talked to a hundred people and why didn’t I think of this before“, I called X and he explained to me some things that really opened my eyes and made me understand the situation a lot more. Also, to my absolute delight, the situation actually wasn’t as bad as I thought.

(my landlady)

It turns out that landlords and other companies do wicked things like this because a) it is obviously financially beneficial for them to make somebody else’s money theirs and b) because in 9 out of 10 cases, THEY GET AWAY WITH IT. I don’t think there exists an official statistic on this, but it’s true – when faced with a situation like this, 9 out of 10 people go away quietly. Faced with corporate opponent that constantly puts all kinds of obstacles in their path, 9 out of 10 people throw their towels in frustration and decide to forget about it.

However, there was good news as well. If you’re a part of those pesky 10%, and you keep bothering the opponent, not giving up and actually prove to them that you’re capable going beyond phone calls, they pay you off. Immediately. Why? Same reason they do everything else. It makes sense for them, financially. To get rid of you in the long run, it’s going to cost them more money and worries than to pay you off. As soon as they realize that, they give you the money back.

Now, before I go into more detail, I’d like to mention that I am not a lawyer and in no way should this be taken as legal advice. The laws in your country/state/city are most likely very different from mine. What I did was the right thing to do in MY particular situation, and most likely not the right thing to do in yours. So what’s the point of this posting then, you might ask? That’s a valid question. Read on.

So what X advised me to do, was to threaten them with a lawsuit. Since the amount of money I was trying to get back from them was relatively small, if I actually sued, it would be much more expensive for them to get a lawyer and go to court than to pay me off immediately. There were more details involved that I don’t want to bore you with, but basically, my strategy was this: I got a complaint form from the court and filled it out. I didn’t actually file it – instead, I faxed it to my nemesis. My fax had two pages. The completely filled out complaint was on the second page. On the first page, there was a brief letter, stating that if I don’t get my money by such-and-such date, I would file the attached complaint in court.

And wouldn’t you know what happened? I sent the fax at about 2 PM on Monday. Tuesday morning, the check arrived in a mail, with a worried phone call from my landlady whether I got it yet immediately after that. It was like magic. Let me tell you, I was one happy camper.

So what’s the purpose of me sharing this story with the world? It certainly isn’t to tell you to threaten your landlord with suing – because, again, whatever it is, your situation is different from mine. But – you should do what I did, and that is not giving up and fighting till the end. If the landlady ignored my fax, I was fully prepared to go to court, even if my chances were average at best. And don’t think it’s expensive to file a complaint – in New York State Small Claims Court, you can file a claim for less than $2,000 for about $15 (I’m not 100% sure about the numbers.) I could’ve given up at any step of the way, but if you give up, you never accomplish anything.

(Mr. X)

Some of you might cry foul and say that I was lucky – not everybody has a family member that knows what to do in situations like these. To that, I have two objections. First, I spent three months trying to get my money back. X wasn’t the first person I talked to (although he should have been.) I spent my time and efforts, and I was determined not to quit until I won. At some point along the way, it stopped being about the money (although I really needed it, having to buy an engagement ring for my girlfriend) and became about not letting the bad people get away with cheating me… about accomplishing what I started.

The second objection I have to the point that I got lucky is that you’re right, you may not have anybody like that telling you what to do – but you have me And my message is pretty clear. With enough effort, passion, and persistence, you can accomplish much greater things, and you can certainly win your money back from small-time crooks who think stealing $800 is more dear to them than risking bad publicity.

So let this be a lesson to them and to everybody else who likes to cheat people. The company name is Eilat Management, and the woman in charge of it goes by “Mrs. B” (she never gives out her real name, and I think now I know why)

Next time you feel overwhelmed by the situation, like you’re facing off against the machine that you feel can’t be beaten, remember that if you’re in the right, you have to be relentless to the point of stubbornness, and never surrender until you get what you want. Once they realize that they’re dealing with someone who’s going to make their life hard (just like they’re doing to you), they’ll be quick to surrender and go take advantage of easier targets.

And now I’ve come to the primary goal that I’m trying to accomplish here. I sincerely hope that with this post, I’ve caused more people to wake up and realize that some fights are winnable. The more people fight back, the harder it will be for landlords and other people in power to do these despicable things. And, hopefully, the world will be a better place because of it.